Why Your Conflict Resolution Doesn't Work: Moving From Conflict Resolution to Productive Conflict

Most of us hate conflict. We associate it with tense meetings, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships. Managers especially dread it, and many people spend an inordinate amount of time trying to avoid confrontation—only making it more explosive and destructive when it inevitably erupts.

But what if conflict could be transformed from

something we fear

into

a powerful tool for growth?

The Great Leader's Secret Weapon

What sets an average leader apart from a great leader when it comes to conflict? It's simple: great leaders move from a conflict resolution mindset to a productive one.

Bo Seo, author of "Good Arguments," states that what makes a conflict "good" is when both parties walk away feeling like: "I would do that again." This is the essence of what I call Productive Conflict.

Too often, we walk away from conflict feeling like a grenade was launched at us. Things were left unsaid, and many times we didn't truly hear what was shared because we were so busy trying to anticipate the next hit. We weren't listening to understand—we were listening to respond.

Breaking the Conflict Resolution Pitfall

How can we help our teams avoid these common conflict resolution pitfalls? Here's a roadmap to transform destructive conflict into productive outcomes:

1. Forward Facing

Productive Conflict moves away from solving the past—a lose-lose concept because we cannot go back! Instead, we must ask for what we need in the future to prevent similar situations.

2. Listen Fully

Most people have never developed a listening practice that emphasizes truly hearing others out. Leaders must master this skill and coach their teams to listen well. Productive Conflict makes no space for immediate rebuttal but instead works to hear one party fully.

3. Empathize

Rather than reply or defend, the other party is asked if they can empathize with the speaker's perspective and experience. This quickly moves us out of defense or escalation and toward compassion and understanding.

4. Change

As Gino Wickman suggests in his book "Traction"—identify the challenge, describe it, and then solve it. We face forward by saying what we need to resolve this challenge rather than conducting another "autopsy" of the problem. Ask for what you need!

5. Consent

Once you ask for what needs to change, seek consent—"Can you do this?" Both parties can then move forward in agreement to implement a new approach to solve the conflict. This is what makes the process truly productive.

6. Repeat

After one party has shared and been heard, empathized with, and received commitment to change—switch roles. The other party now shares, is heard and empathized with, and given a chance to ask for the change they need.

Coming Down the Ladder

This work involves what Chris Argyris and Peter Senge call "the Ladder of Inference." We often take an innocuous moment, build an entire story around it, and then act in response to this fabricated narrative. This ladder ends with both parties assuming the worst and harming relationships in the process.

Productive Conflict offers the opposite path—you can descend the ladder of inference back to a place of collaboration and mutual understanding.

Transform Your Leadership Today

Are your team's conflicts draining energy and damaging relationships? Are you tired of the same issues resurfacing despite multiple "resolutions"?

Braver Leaders Coaching specializes in transforming how leaders and teams approach conflict. Our proven methodology turns conflict from a destructive force into a catalyst for innovation and growth.

• 85% of employees experience some kind of conflict.

• Workers who rate their workplace as “Uncivil” are 3x more likely to be unsatisfied with their job and 2x as likely to leave their job in the next year.

• 29% of conflicts are linked to poor leadership.

Don't just resolve conflicts—make them productive. Your team deserves a leader who can transform tension into opportunity. Braver Leaders can get you there!

Ready to elevate your leadership and move from Conflict Resolution to Productive Conflict?

Contact Braver Leaders Coaching today for a complimentary leadership assessment.

Visit braverleaderscoaching.com to start your journey toward more productive conflict.

(I was very inspired by Adam Grant's podcast on this topic. The Productive Conflict framework was developed after being inspired by his thoughts. Check out his podcast for more on Good Arguments.)